Dear non-feminist-identified or pro-feminist people having (a) feminist friend/s or partner/s,
you have the most wonderful person/people on earth on your side. They will always appreciate you, support you, give you advice in tricky situations. They will love you for what you are and most of the time they will not try to put you in a box. They will not criticize you in order to make you a better person or for their own ego but to make a better world with you together.
Feminists are feminists for some or one reason. Feminism is not a issue and not up for debate, it’s a life-altering view on society. It shatters minds, it changes lifes, it moves people, it’s an all or nothing thing. You have to deal with that. Most feminists will not change their minds because you are angry with yourself failing to be _the_ perfect feminist ally and blame it on them.
Listen carefully and try to learn, there’s absolutely nothing you can lose within these relation- or friendships. To ask for loyalty and solidarity in situations you make a fool out of yourself and put your privileged ass over your friends‘ or partners‘ core values in life is definitely a bad idea.
And no, you are not getting a cookie for showing solidarity and loyalty in situations they ask for.
Feminists are not the enemies, it’s you and your own ego. And your thinking to make your feminist partner/friend a person you are comfortable with.
This is not about you, this is not about them, it’s just about showing respect for the person you love.